Uphill Battle

Resource specialists and other teachers come into my classroom to observe and tell me I have a good class. "At least," they say, "the kids stay in their seats." Or "they don't hit each other, so you don't have real problems in your class." Or, "the kids come to school, so that shows that they want to learn." And my personal favorite, "Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing a good job." Then why, may I ask, do my kids fein sleep, yawn loudly, talk incessantly, whine about their boredom and refuse to do the work?

A fellow teacher, Ms. M., told me the story of another teacher that is across town in a predominantly African American high school. She is cursed at three times a day and they sprayed mace outside of her classroom door. Kids sleep in her class. It's not because she's a bad teacher. In fact, she is known as an excellent teacher. It's because of the kids and their homelife.

The homelife of my kids is, in many cases, bleak. Rats, cockroaches, lack of basic necessities, gunfire, killing, police patrol, domestic violence, and drugs are normal here. Having a college education is not.

One of the things that the Boss mentioned to me is that these kids need a lot of love. They need positive attention. They need praise and general good vibes. But, it's the hardest thing in the world to maintain a positive attitude when your students are so negative-- when they act like they hate you. Even moreso, it's hard to keep going when it's a daily fight. Some days are better than others, but overall, there are more bad days than good ones. And it's very draining emotionally and physically.

Today I asked the kids why they are here in school: they don't do the work and they don't even pretend to care about their education. What's the point? The responses were not surprising: "I don't know," was a popular one; "because my mom makes me," was another; "we have to," another kid responded.

"Do you want to know why I'm here?" I asked them.
"Yes."
"No."
"Well, I'll tell you anyway. I am here because when I was in school, I learned about the American Dream-- that those who come to this country seek life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." (The kids didn't understand "the American Dream" or the words "liberty" or "pursuit.") To clarify, I talked about how I learned about Christopher Columbus and how he was a great man that discovered our country. "But, Miss," one student shouted out, "Columbus raped and killed people." "That's my point exactly," I said. "It turns out that the American Dream that I was taught in school is a lie. Even though people from all over the world come to this country seeking a better life, freedom and happiness, many people will not reach that dream because they are not white and they don't have money. But, I still believe in the American Dream and I believe those who are not white and are not rich can reach it through education. You need to be able to read in order to succeed in this country and that is why I am here. I want to teach you how to read."

It was silent in the room while I was saying these things. I had their attention for a moment. And when I was done, someone said aloud, "We already know how to read." Then, they went back to talking with their friends and cracking jokes.

The fact is that my kids don't read at grade level. They read at a fourth or fifth grade independent reading level. Most of them score below basic on the California Standard Test.

At this point, I brought up the statistics: only 1 out of 100 students at this middle school will end up graduating from college. That's only 8 students in the entire 8th grade class.

"What will you do if you don't graduate?"
"I'll just be a wino, Miss."

It's funny now, kid. You just wait.